Girl Meets Farkle/Transcript

The following is the transcript for Girl Meets Farkle.

Exterior; B-roll of John Quincy Adams Middle School, then Interior; Cory Matthews' class.
Cory:	A) Every human being is a unique collection of atoms. B) Some of you in this room might be human beings. C) When you mess with atoms, or human beings, they blow up.
Farkle:	(Doing just that) Belgium, 1831!
Cory:	Okay everyone, it's happening right now. Everyone under your desk. Farkle's gonna blow.
Farkle:	I know everything except Belgium 1831, and once I know that, I'll know everything, and then my name goes on the board with those three idiots.
Cut to an image of Cory standing next to a blackboard with the the "idiots" Farkle was pointing to, which turns out to have the words "GENIUSES; Mozart, Einstein, Jobs"
Riley:	Breathe, Farkle.
Farkle:	Too late. I taste blue.
He passes out next to his desk
Riley:	(to Mr. Matthews) You know, with anybody else, that would've been strange.
Maya:	Yeah, but with Farkle, we don't even lift him off the floor anymore. (to Farkle) Oh, here's your book.
She raises his book and drops it on his head, as he briefly wretches. Just then, a beautiful young brunette in a blue dress walks into the classroom. It's Miss Oben, the guidance counselor.
Miss Oben:	Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Matthews. I'm here to see Farkle Minkus.
Cory:	Farkle, Guidance Counselor.
Farkle:	(getting up off the floor) Well, it's about time.
Before he can talk to her, Riley, Maya, and Lucas approach the counselor.
Riley:	(to Mr. Matthews) Are you finally taking him away?
Maya:	Because if he goes, we all go.
Lucas:	I'm here so it's not just the girls.
Miss Oben smiles at the support Farkle is getting from his friends.
Riley:	There are no secrets in our group.
Maya:	Nothing can come between... (the bell rings) Okay. (All three of his friends walk away)
Miss Oben:	Farkle, I have the results of your-
Farkle:	Of my IQ and aptitude test? I'm a genius, right? You know how I know? Because I'm a genius. It's not conceited when it's true, Mr. Matthews?
Cory:	I wouldn't know. I'm barely literate.
Miss Oben:	Your parents have given me permission to tell you that yes, you scored in the superior range.
Farkle:	And my aptitude test says I should consider a career in... (gestures as if he already knows the answer)
Miss Oben:	Ruling the world. Never seen that one. (chuckles) The rest of the class falls within more traditional range of careers. Although, we did get one bunny farmer...
Riley:	(off-screen) Yay!
Miss Oben:	And arm-pit sniffer number five in a deodorant factory.
Maya:	(off-screen) I got a job!
Cory:	But I would expect there's gonna be further testing. Isn't that right Miss Oben?
Miss Oben:	Yes. (back to Farkle) When someone scores this high, the experts usually want to confirm the testing.
Cory:	And then more specialized schools with gifted programs like Einstein Academy might approach you.
Riley:	(outside the door) Now Farkle says...
Farkle:	I'd never leave my friends behind.
Riley:	(outside the door) Who's a good genius?
Farkle:	I am!
Miss Oben:	One more thing, Farkle. It's important not to react to your score in anyway that might make your friends feel...
Farkle:	(interrupting) Inferior? Of less value? Like dumb-dumbs.
Cory:	We're talking about my daughter.
Farkle:	Whose fault is that? (walks out of class)
Theme song.
Exterior; Topanga's, then an interior shot.
Stuart Minkus:	Welcome to our Farkle Genius Party. I'm Stuart Minkus, the original genius, very proud to welcome my son to the club. I'm sure his mother, who's unexceptional, would like to say a few words representing her people.
Jennifer Bassett Minkus:	(standing up, revealing an obvious height difference) Yeah, I'm unexceptional. Who does what I say?
Stuart:	Everybody.
Jennifer:	(waves to...) Hi, Cory!
Cory:	(intimidated) Nyah!
Topanga:	Stop it.
Cory:	Look at her.
Topanga:	What? I like her now. She's a lot less scary than she was when we were in high school.
Cory:	Uh-huh. Are you not looking at her?
Jennifer:	(waves a piece of paper) I hold in my hand, the answer to the question everyone's been asking. Is Farkle a clone, a robot, or a real boy?
Farkle:	(crossing his fingers) Real boy. Real boy. Real boy. Real boy.
Jennifer:	This is the birth certificate of Farkle Minkus, real boy.
Most of the guests applaud. Maya is disappointed, because she lost a bet with Lucas over him, which she pays immediately.
Farkle:	Thanks for having me, mom.
Jennifer:	Any time, kiddo. You make me proud every day. (gives him a kiss. Turns to the crowd) Stuart and I want to thank Farkle's friends who care about him. You're all he ever talks about.
Stuart:	We hope you'll keep encouraging him to be as unique as he's always been. The Minkuses have always been simple, incredibly rich people. Please enjoy our party, and don't forget your complimentary penguin.
Brief cut to scene of rows of bags containing live penguins squawking, with two random pupils looking at them somewhat hesitantly.
Cory:	(approaching Stuart) Hey, Minkus. Great party. Nice shirt. I don't care about any of that. You married Jennifer Basset? Did you know that?
Stuart:	We fell in love. She told me.
Farkle:	Maya, when I rule the world, I'll give you half because you're my lovely fake wife.
Riley:	Hey, I want some of that!
Lucas:	Yeah, Farkle, you love them equally. Marry them both. Wouldn't that be the genius thing to do?
Farkle:	See why I keep you around? Make it happen, Face.
Maya:	Here we go.
Maya gets up from the couch and stands behind it. Lucas gets down on one knee as if he's ready to propose to Riley, who looks in anticipation and excitement.
Lucas:	Riley Matthews?
Riley:	Yes.
Lucas:	Would you...
Riley:	(interrupting) Absolutely.
Lucas:	.. do me the honor...
Riley:	(interrupting) Any time at all.
Lucas:	...of becoming...
Riley:	(interrupting) Whatever you want.
Lucas:	.. Mrs., ...
Riley:	(interrupting) Do you not understand "yes"?
Lucas:	.. Farkle Minkus?
Riley:	You're gonna be there, right?
Farkle:	A yes is a yes. Here's your ring.
Grabs it from Maya's finger, and places on Riley's
Maya:	Hey!
Farkle:	You get two penguins.
Maya:	Okay.
Farkle:	Maya, marry us quick while she's still distracted by the sparkles.
Maya:	Mm-hmm.
Farkle runs around the couch and bumps Lucas onto a couch behind him. He bends down on one knee as Lucas had done before.
Lucas:	Okay.
Maya:	Blah, blah blah.
Farkle:	I do.
Maya:	Blah, blah blah.
Jennifer:	(approaching the four kids) There it is.
She grabs the ring from the distracted Riley's finger, and claims it back as she walks away.
Riley:	What do you want?
Maya:	If anyone has any reason why these two shouldn't be joined...
Smackle:	(walking through the front door) I object, yes.
Maya:	Smackle.
Riley:	You made it to the wedding, Smackle! (Riley hugs Smackle, but she still doesn't reciprocate) Still having trouble with the hugging thing, aren't ya?
Smackle:	The average middle-schooler spends nine minutes a day engaged in hugs. Do you know what I can accomplish in nine minutes?
Riley:	No.
Smackle:	Ask NASA.
Farkle:	Smackle, here to mock my recent membership into the genius club?
Smackle:	On the contrary, Farkle. I welcome you with open arms. (tries to unclench her arms in order to offer him an inviting hug) My arms. They are open.
Farkle:	What do you want me to do with that?
Smackle:	We are both geniuses now.
Farkle:	Yup. That makes us even more alike than we were. And as we both know...
Smackle:	Like forces repel. (dropping her arms) Yes, science says we may never be together.
Farkle:	And science never makes a mistake.
Riley:	(approaching the two geniuses) Really? Have you seen the blob fish? (holds up a color photo-print of a blob fish, then fakes crying) Why science? Why?
Smackle:	I'm here to ask you to consider transferring to Einstein Academy.
Lucas:	That's not happening.
Smackle:	Stop hitting on me.
Lucas:	(puzzled) Heh. Okay.
Farkle:	What would be the benefits of my going to Einstein?
Smackle:	To develop your magnificent brain so the world is not cheated of your full potential.
Farkle:	Are you suggesting that my dumb-dumbs hold me back?
Maya and Riley make stupid faces in an attempt to mimic the picture of the blob fish that Riley showed Farkle earlier.
Riley:	(with a stupid sounding goofy voice) I am a blob fish.
Farkle:	Yeah, tell me more about Einstein Academy.
Exterior; B-roll of John Quincy Adams Middle School, then Interior; Cory Matthews' class.
Cory:	Farkle, what are you?
Farkle:	Genius. I'm on the board.
Cut to an image of Cory standing next to a blackboard with the same list of geniuses from yesterday, now including "FARKLE" in huge letters below.
Cory:	Wrong. Riley, what are you?
Riley:	Bunny farmer.
Cory:	Wrong.
Riley:	Then don't go into my room.
Cory:	All these things that you guys have been told you are this week? That's only a piece of what makes you an individual. This I.Q. test produces a number that puts you in a category. A label. Don't live under a label. It just gets in the way of who you are.
Lucas:	But if you get called something enough, don't you start believing it?
Cory:	Believe in what you contribute to others. We expect great things from you, Farkle.
Farkle:	I'll try my best, sir.
Cory:	But, I also expect great things from everybody else. Remarkable people have I.Q.'s all across the board. Everyone has great gifts, and everyone in this class has the potential to impact our world. So, just be yourself. It's the only label that matters.
Again, Miss Oben approaches the open doorway of the class. She knocks on the door and walks in.
Miss Oben:	Mr. Matthews? If it's all right with you, I need a moment with Farkle.
Cory:	Okay. Farkle?
Farkle gets up from his desk and leaves the class with Miss Oben, although with less enthusiasm than yesterday. The rest of his classmates sense his distress.
Daytime exterior shot of the Matthews family brownstone, then interior.
The Minkuses, Maya, and Lucas are visiting the Matthews again.
Farkle:	So, they did more testing on me.
Riley:	How big a genius are you?
Cory:	Riley, they're considering some behavioral traits in Farkle that warrant a more specific kind of testing.
Riley:	What? They just noticed Farkle's a little farkly?
Maya:	I could have told them that.
Farkle:	They want to see if I have autism.
Maya:	(stunned) You don't.
Riley:	Let's go tell them you don't.
Farkle:	I might have a type of autism called Asperger's Syndrome.
Maya:	You don't.
Lucas:	What is it?
Farkle:	It's a disorder that affects a person's behavior.
Riley:	Farkle, when I said that you were a little farkly, what I meant was...
Lucas:	Yeah, that you behave just like a perfectly normal Farkle.
Maya:	You do.
Stuart:	We'll get the results from today's interview, and we'll know.
Farkle:	We know.
Maya:	We don't know.
Farkle:	Guys, I've passed every single test I've ever taken.
Jennifer:	He made us come right over. He didn't want to go home, he didn't want to do anything except be with you.
Topanga:	Of course. That's who he is.
Cory:	I see it in my classroom every day.
Stuart:	The most important thing to him was that you're a part of this.
Riley:	Because he's Farkle.
Maya:	(to Farkle) That's who you are, no matter what anybody says.
Daytime exterior shot of the Matthews family brownstone, then Riley's bedroom, at the bay window.
Farkle, Maya, Riley, and Lucas are sitting on the bay window. Lucas has a small laptop PC on his knees.
Maya:	Could you please give us one of your wonderful little Riley pick-me-ups?
Riley:	Whatever happens, at least you're in better shape that Maya.
Maya:	Okay, that wasn't what I was going for, but sure, let's turn on me.
Riley:	You think you got stuff? Look at this! This is a bag of cats.
Maya:	Okay there, little helper.
Lucas:	All right, this website lists symptoms of Asperger's. Uh, the first one they mention is social awkwardness.
Farkle:	Check.
Riley:	You don't do anything awkward.
Farkle:	(stands up and gives his trademark...) Hah!
Maya:	Well, that's just something you do and you're gonna stop doing that. He's gonna stop doing that.
Lucas:	"Narrowed interests - Going on about a subject even if the people he's talking to don't have a shared interest."
Farkle:	Check.
Riley:	Farkle, we're interested in everything you're interested in.
Farkle:	Belgium, 1831!
Maya:	Stop doing that. He's gonna stop doing that.
Farkle:	Guys, whatever this is, I got it. And I need you to let that be okay.
Lucas:	"Some people with Asperger's are uncomfortable being touched or receiving affection. They may struggle to fully understand emotion or love."
Farkle:	Check, check, checky-check, check.
Maya:	(grabs his hand) Farkle, what are you talking about? You love Riley and me since the day we met. You married us.
Farkle:	It wasn't real. Oww.
Riley:	But it's very sweet. And it's all about emotions.
Farkle:	You guys are my best friends. Please promise me one thing.
Lucas:	Anything.
Farkle:	Please don't ever let me not understand love.
Interior; The Matthews' living room, with it's own Bay Window.
Stuart, Jennifer, Topanga, and Cory are sitting at their own bay window, discussing their concerns about Farkle.
Jennifer:	Nothing's ever been out of our control before. We usually control everything with money and penguins.
Topanga:	(Laughing) You guys are gonna get the results, and no matter what they say, you're gonna keep being the same great parents you've always been. You'll figure this out.
Stuart:	You sure?
Topanga:	Of course, I'm sure, Stuart. I mean, you are almost as smart as me.
Stuart:	Oh, thanks.
Cory:	Jennifer, you're pretty strong. Nothing stands a chance against you.
Jennifer:	All my life, nothing's ever frightened me. Then I had a child, and the thought of something happening to him frightens me every day.
Topanga:	No matter what they tell you, he's Farkle, and we love him.
Stuart:	Thanks for being here for us, guys.
Cory:	Every day.
Exterior; Topanga's, then an interior shot.
Farkle:	Would you guys be upset if I transferred to Einstein Academy?
Maya:	Yes.
Farkle:	Would you still be my friends?
Maya:	Boy, for someone who's gonna rule the world, you sure ask some dum-dum questions.
Smackle walks in, placing an Einstein Academy jacket on a table near the door.
Smackle:	Farkle. People who aren't Farkle.
Lucas:	Hey, Smackle.
Smackle:	Stop smothering me.
Lucas:	(puzzled) Okay.
Riley instantly hugs her which catches her off-guard, as she bunches her arms together.
Smackle:	Friends. Hugging. I suppose this is all very important to people like you.
Riley:	You love us, Smackle, you just don't know it yet.
Smackle:	Noted. Farkle, I'm here to see how you enjoyed your tour of Einstein Academy.
Lucas:	You went?
Smackle:	He spent the day with us. He fit. And so will this.
Smackle grabs an Einstein Academy blazer from a nearby table and puts it around his shoulders.
Farkle:	How does it look?
Smackle:	I'm swooning. Perhaps we could indulge in our established ritual of sharing a smoothie?
Farkle:	Thanks, but I'm not really thirsty right now.
Smackle:	Nor am I really interested in the consumption of a frozen treat.
During this line, she takes her glasses off, and tries to wink at him in an exaggerated flirtatious manner.
Maya:	What are you doing? What is she doing? Who do we call?
Farkle:	I believe she's winking at me.
Smackle:	How do you like it?
She whips her hair around and tries to wink again, resting her chin on her fist, but ends up squinting again.
Farkle:	Yeah, let's see it with one eye.
She backs away, and tries winking properly again, failing at that as well.
All four:	Two, eyes, two eyes.
Maya:	Please, don't.
Smackle:	(putting her glasses back on) Why don't I get us a table outside?
She gets ready to leave, then looks back trying to lure him with her exaggerated awkward flirtatious poses.
Riley:	Farkle, Isadora Smackle loves you!
Farkle:	But I'm loyal to both of you.
Riley:	Well, your two fake wives want you to spend time with one real Smackle.
Maya:	Go get 'em, tiger.
Farkle:	Why are you doing this?
Riley:	Did you ask us to help you understand love?
Farkle:	Yeah.
Riley:	Then go figure it out.
Maya:	Yeah, we heard you're a genius. (He takes their advice, and goes outside)
Exterior; Outdoor café in front of Topanga's
The two arch-nemeses are outside, trying to smile through their uncomfortable silences
Farkle:	It feels strange to be together not in a spelling bee, or something.
Smackle:	Well, I am more comfortable saying things in spelling bees. Like you in that blazer: Hunk. H-u-n-k. Hunk.
Farkle:	Uh, could you use that in a sentence, please?
Smackle:	You look great in that blazer, hunk.
Smackle's hand touches Farkle's
Farkle:	This is new.
Smackle:	New is interesting. What else is new?
Farkle:	My blazer is new. Me being called a hunk is new. (Smackle smiles) I may have a form of autism.
Smackle:	(suddenly intrigued) Really?
Farkle:	Asperger's syndrome. This may be too much for you. I understand if you wish to leave.
Smackle:	I would never leave.
Farkle:	This doesn't scare you?
Smackle:	Not at all.
Farkle:	May I tell you that it scares me?
Smackle:	You are holding my hand. (He is)
Farkle:	Is that okay?
Smackle:	It's the hunk move.
Smackle gently grabs Farkle's hand.
Farkle:	Thank you, Isadora.
Smackle:	For what?
Farkle:	For liking me for whatever I am.
Cut to a window in front of the genius couple where Riley, then Maya, then Lucas raise their heads above that window from inside Topanga's, and smile.
Exterior; B-roll of John Quincy Adams Middle School, then Interior; Lobby in front of Cory Matthews' class.
The bell rings as Isadora Smackle approaches the four.
Smackle:	Farkle.
Farkle:	Hello, Smackle.
Smackle:	You observed me in my natural habitat, so I asked Mr. Matthews if I could observe you in Mediocreville. (turns to Riley and Maya) I hope that's not offensive.
Riley:	Of course, it is.
Smackle:	I have no remorse.
Lucas:	Glad you could join us, Smackle.
Smackle:	Lucas, you have to stop. It's never gonna happen.
Maya:	(mocking Smackle) Lucas, take a hint.
Lucas:	(more exasperated than before) Wow.
Everybody starts to go to class, but before Farkle can do so, Miss Oben walks down the stairs and approaches him.
Miss Oben:	Farkle may we speak privately?
Farkle:	There's no need, Ms. Oben. I understand what I have. I'll be fine.
Miss Oben:	Well, I understand I'm talking to a genius, but I don't think you understand at all. I've spoken with your parents and they're okay if we have a conversation. (they walk upstairs together)
Interior; Cory Matthews' class, later on.
Farkle walks into class
Farkle:	Farkle time?
Cory:	Absolutely.
Farkle flips the sign on the teacher's desk from "Mr. Matthews" to "Farkle." Smackle's smile is closed but still broader.
Farkle:	Asperger's syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder. A.S.D. This is a pretty complicated label, so I wanna explain it to you. People with A.S.D. can fall anywhere on a spectrum of different behaviors. They talked to me for a long time. And you know what? I don't have Asperger's. But they also said they don't know what to make of me. And I like that. So, what am I? I'm Farkle! Thank you.
Most of the class seems relieved, except for Smackle who looks down at her desk with sadness.
Cory:	We're all a unique collection of atoms, and there's only one of each of us. The only label you should wear is your name. Let your actions define you. Because there's another spectrum; how you live your life, what you do with whatever you're given. How you treat the other people around you. These are your actions. This is your name. That's who you are.
Farkle:	Thanks for the way you treat me. And thanks for studying all of it.
Cory:	Whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys studied?
Lucas:	Hey, our friend was worried about something.
Maya:	So, we learned about it. If I knew it was studying, I wouldn't have done it.
Smackle raises her hand
Cory:	Miss Smackle?
Smackle:	I believed that Farkle would be better off attending Einstein Academy. Observing him in your inferior class was to be my proof.
Maya:	(sarcastic) Don't hold back, Smack. Just say what's on your mind.
Smackle:	My findings are contradictory to my hypothesis.
Riley:	Also, please talk down to us.
Smackle:	(getting up from her desk) This class teaches lessons you cannot find in a textbook. There are friendships here that can't be created in a laboratory. Farkle, you are where you belong. I, on the other hand, should leave.
She starts to do just that. Most of the class is stunned and worried, especially Farkle. Smackle pauses at the door and gives him one last sad glance before she finally leaves.
Nighttime exterior shot; The Matthews' Brownstone, then interior; the living room.
The Matthews and Minkus parents are sitting at a table eating pastries and coffee.
Jennifer:	Hey, remember when we were in high school, and you thought I was a monster just because I was bigger and different than everybody, and I handcuffed Shawn to a boathouse?
Cory:	(nervously) Yeah.
Jennifer:	Well, it never mattered what people said about me. I've always been comfortable with myself no matter what anybody else called me.
Cory:	I think that's a good way to go through life, monster.
Stuart:	Even if Farkle had been diagnosed with something, it never would have changed how much we love him. Or each other. Thank you for my son.
Jennifer:	Thank you for marrying me.
Stuart:	Yeah, well, you told me to.
Jennifer:	Hey, guys, we appreciate you going through this with us.
Topanga:	Yeah, that's what friends do.
Cory:	Hey, monster?
Jennifer:	Yeah?
Cory:	You don't scare me anymore.
Jennifer gives Cory a mock threatening look. Cory barely flinches, and the Minkus parents grab their hands sharing a silent chuckle.
Nighttime exterior shot of the Matthews family brownstone, then Maya's bedroom, at the bay window.
Maya, Smackle, and Riley are sitting on the bay window, discussing her inability to win Farkle's heart.
Smackle:	I'm okay. I will go through life alone.
Maya:	Isadora, you haven't lost Farkle.
Smackle:	He doesn't want me now.
Riley:	Why? Because he doesn't have Asperger's, like you?
Smackle:	How did you know?
Maya:	We studied. We're studiers. She made me.
Smackle:	I was diagnosed when I was five years old. I... struggle with it.
Riley:	Isadora, I don't think there's anybody we respect more than you.
Smackle:	I'm not like everybody else.
Maya:	But who wants that?
Smackle:	The strangest thing is that I feel so comfortable with Farkle. But he's not quite like me anymore.
Riley:	But I thought that's what you guys always wanted. You were like forces and like forces repel.
Maya:	Yeah, Smackle. Science dictates that you guys can be together now.
Smackle:	You think he knows that?
Farkle:	(From out the window) Ladies!
Smackle:	Farkle, my arch Nemesis.
Farkle:	Smackle, my arch Nemesis. Riley, Maya, my wives who I will adore forever. I want a divorce. Make it a double.
Riley walks towards her bed, pretending to be heartbroken
Riley:	This is the longest relationship I've ever had.
Farkle:	You will love again, Riley.
Riley tries to gesture to Maya to give the two former arch rivals privacy
Maya:	Oh, I'm gonna leave you twos alone now. (she leaves the bay window)
Farkle:	Isadora, I'm a single man now.
Smackle:	Farkle, before we continue, there's something I need to tell you - I have -
Farkle:	(interrupting) I know you do. I also know you showed me understanding and compassion.
Smackle:	Of course.
Farkle:	Please, let me do the same. (she nods) May I hug you?
Smackle:	Yes.
He does. Smackle is a bit uncomfortable with the hug, and bunches her arms together.
Smackle:	I don't like this at all.
Farkle:	I know.
Smackle:	Don't stop.
Farkle:	Okay. (she relaxes her arms)
B-Roll of Riley and Maya throwing a paper airplane in front of a fake backdrop of Washington Square
Interior shot of Topanga's
Farkle:	These are my friends, Isadora. They like me for who I am. They make me feel like I could rule the world.
Riley:	Yeah, so forget trying to steal Farkle over to Einstein.
Maya:	You come to John Quincy Adams.
Smackle:	What would be the benefits?
Farkle:	You would have good friends here.
Smackle:	But, I'm not good at that.
Maya:	Yeah, but... We are. Maybe if you were in a place where you had some good friends...
Riley:	You wouldn't struggle as much.
Farkle:	People change people.
Riley:	The Secret of life.
Lucas puts his Junior Varsity jacket around Smackle, which she misinterprets as an act of affection
Smackle:	You just won't give up, will you?
Lucas:	Nope. Looks good on you, though, Smackle.
Riley:	Okay. I have a question for everybody, and I want you guys to answer as honestly as you can. Who here is normal? (nobody responds) And who here wants to be? (Smackle raises her left hand, then looks at everybody around her nervously and puts it back down.) Good.
Farkle grabs Smackle's hand affectionately, and she smiles.
END OF EPISODE